Gratitude Wins Every Time. It Changed My Life

How Gratitude Changed My Life

gratitude-22November is Gratitude Month and the perfect time for you to introduce or re-introduce the practice of gratitude into your life.

I know it works because when I was presented with the idea of starting a gratitude journal I was at my lowest point ever!. I lived in a furnace room with 2 kids, no job, no money, hurt deeply by someone I thought loved me and running for my life.

Lo and behold a friend says to me Start Practicing Gratitude! She really did in those exact words. My reaction was not pleasant and a few nasty words were hurled in her direction. I thought to myself are you fucking kidding me. I have nothing. What the hell do I have to be grateful for?

Her next words were life changing. You could start with being grateful that you don’t live with him anymore and you are on your healing path.

Okay profound as her words were I wanted to hate them. I really did. I wanted to ignore them and carry on in my victimness and feeling sorry for myself. But try as hard as I could I just kept thinking about her words and she was right and….

I was grateful that I didn’t live with him anymore

My gratitude practice began right then and it grew over time. At first it was challenging as was my life situation at the time. But everyday I sat down and wrote 5 things that I was grateful for and I as carried on being grateful my life started to change.

Gratitude Works and It Changes Everything!

Today start your gratitude journey. It can be a journal, a jar or a drawer that you drop little bits of paper in with your gratitude scribblings. Makes no difference how you do it, just do it.

For the month of November, spend a few minutes in the morning and again in the evening jotting down what you’re grateful for. Aim for 5 things each time. If you only have 3 that’s great and if you have a list of 100 that’s great too.

I am grateful that at my lowest point, I was introduced to starting a gratitude practice. It changed my life. It opened my mind and my heart to new possibilities. Gratitude and me we go way back.

Today, I am Grateful For…………..

Kick Your Life up to Thriver = Big, Bold & Ballsy

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Keep, Edit, Delete, Add: 4 Steps to Being You & Living Authentically

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How to Save Money to Leave Your Abusive Relationship

How to Save Money to Leave

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5-Steps to Getting Unstuck

5 Steps to get unstuck

Let’s talk about being stuck! I’ve been stuck and it sucks. You overthink, bounce back and forth and ultimately can’t make a decision. Stuck is that place where you are in between I don’t want to keep doing what I am doing, I can’t keep doing what I’m doing, I don’t want to go back to that…… BUT (really big but right here) I’m afraid of the future, I’m afraid to let go, I’m afraid of the unknown and so you stay stuck in the same place and don’t know how to get out. We know we’re going in circles and that makes us feel that our life is out of control. Feeling stuck is a symptom of the bigger problem at hand. It means that something has to change. It signals that you’re putting up resistance to change. Being Stuck is also where the greatest transformation in your life will happen. When you feel … Read more

3-Peaceful Outcomes of Embracing Authenticity

Embrace Authenticity Rebel Self-Love

The Wonderful Peace of Authenticity I hosted an on-line coffee chat on Monday and we talked about authenticity. Our chat revolved around how does being authentic improve your life. First, I’ll give you an example of how we are not made for everyone to enjoy our company or even like us and that’s okay! I have been told by numerous people over the years that I am “gregarious”. That my laugh is loud and hearty and that I just talk to strangers like I’ve known them forever. The old me used to think OMG! I better change the way I behave, laugh and talk to people because I want my critics to like me and hang out with me. So, I would go out in public with these people and I would be church-mouse quiet and speak when spoken to, not laugh out loud and just be beige. And here’s … Read more

Compliment Yourself Every Day

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It Takes Fear to Blossom

It’s that moment when you have butterflies in your stomach and you’re wondering what will everyone think and you start to question your own motivations and for a brief second you think this is crazy. Then it happens. You step into that fear with courage, take a deep breath and say ‘Here I Go’. You have blossomed. You have stepped into your big, bold, blissful life.  You have taken ownership of your happiness. Keep going. You’ve got this.  

5-Signs You Are Holding on to Victim for Dear Life

Courage & Grace to Leave Your Victim

You did it.  You took the first step and left him behind and I want to congratulate you for the courageous step you took when you left your toxic, emotionally abusive partner. It was a bad relationship and you were consistently criticized, bullied, ridiculed, and abandoned.  You decided that it was time to say goodbye to your abuser and walk out the door.  You decided you want and deserve a better life. 5-Signs that You are Guilty of Holding On: You won’t stop talking about it.  The incident I mean.  You want to tell everyone who will listen and even those who don’t want to but are stuck! You get upset or angry when you feel you’re not getting sympathy. You fully embrace your victim label.  You hold onto your story and keep telling it so you can rationalize your “victimness” and hang on to it for dear life. You … Read more

Benefits of Kicking Your Life up to Rebel Thriver

There are some who say that getting to the level of “survivor” is good enough.  I say no way, not a chance.  Putting your life into “thriver” gear is where you want it to be. After my experience with an abusive husband, I truly believed that my end-game was to go from victim to survivor and be happy with that.  It was great to be a survivor for a while.  But I felt uninspired.  Something was missing and I was caught asking myself: WOW! I did all that work to get here and now I’m a little bored. I discovered that I wanted more from life.  I wanted to be more than a survivor, I wanted to Thrive.  I wanted a big, bold, ballsy life where I flourished. If you have gotten yourself all the way to the level of survivor, then challenge yourself to take your life all the … Read more

Not Letting it Go & the Victim Mentality

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Victim Mentality is Caused by Not Letting it Go The connection between Victim Mentality and Not Letting it Go is real.  This is the story of how one chef proved how easy it is to fall right into victim’hood with one small unanticipated change! While I was enjoying my early morning coffee, I took the opportunity to catch up on one of my favourite indulgences: Food Network Star.  Okay, it’s a reality show and I love it (confession made). One of the chefs provided a brilliant example of the negative and often tragic results of hanging on until it kills you! He shopped for his groceries and chose a premium cut of steak.  He was so proud of his choices and spent time bragging about how clever his choice was and how he would crush everyone else. Well, surprise twist – all the chefs had to switch groceries with the … Read more

The 3-Cs of Healing After Abuse

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When I left my toxic-abusive husband, I was thrust into the “system”.  At first, I thought this is fabulous.  I’m going to get help and get well. That’s not exactly what happened and I started to realize that the system was killing me by allowing me to wallow in self-pity and victim-hood.  I started to really notice that during group meetings we only talked about what had happened to us, not what steps to take to move forward.  We repeatedly shared our horror stories and no one spoke of their daily wins.  I would come away feeling more depressed and with little hope for the future. When I went to court, I had to visit with Victim Services and then meet with my Victim Advocate. Again, it was continual reinforcement of my victim-ness. But the real kicker was my counselling sessions!  The focus of the sessions were on what happened … Read more

7-Ways Your Life Will Blossom When You Release “Why”

I remember when I left my tormentor, I was emotionally tortured by “WHY”.  I screamed why at the top of my lungs. It started all my questions: Why did he do it?  Why wasn’t I good enough? Why did this happen to me? I searched and searched for answers but the “why” was never ending and one why led to the next why. The answers were simply not satisfying and I was stuck.  Not moving forward.  Living with “him” even though I had physically left. When you’re firmly hugging your why, it’s impossible to embrace your new “how” and “when”. Moving forward, igniting your confidence and sparking your true Rebel Thriver only happen when you release why. How and when are personal power questions that keep you moving toward your goal of a confident, independent, and happy life. When you Embrace “How” & “When”, you will: Wake up every day … Read more

Let Go of Your Victim Mentality

The Victim Mentality is so easy to fall into.  But beware we can also be easily lulled into it’s trap and then it can be scary to let go because of the perceived benefits of being a victim. The 4-Benefits of Victim Mentality It’s comfortable and comforting.  You can retreat if you become fearful or anxious.  It’s reliable like an old friend. Oh, the Attention and Validation!  When you identify as a victim, people immediately want to make sure you’re okay and will give you oh, you poor thing platitudes. (For a while anyway) There’s no responsibility for your actions.  Huge benefit here.  If you can blame someone else or “them”, then you are not required to change what your doing or how you’re behaving. There’s no risks.  Victims don’t take action therefore they won’t have to deal with failure or rejection. These benefits may sound good but they’re actually … Read more

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Recently, I had the pleasure of reading “Me, Myself & I – 28 Days of Creative Self-Love” by Cheryl Bridges.  It is a book after my own heart. I am a fierce cheerleader for all things self-love. As a Self-Love Activist, I’m deeply committed and passionate about falling in love with you. I want you to nurture your self-love.  It is after all a long-term commitment that is worth working to keep fresh and passionate. Although I really enjoyed reading “Me, Myself & I”, one chapter in particular resonated with me because it reminded me that self-love wants and needs to be nurtured. Self-love is not a one-night stand.  It’s a long-term commitment. How do you keep self-love all shiny and bright? The chapter “Caring for the Self (You!)” was devoted to nuturing self-love over the long-term.  After all, self-love is a life long commitment and as with any commitment, there will … Read more

5-Ways to Move from Hurt to Happy

So, you have split from your tormentor and you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. It hurts – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Everything Hurts!  You feel torn apart, used, and valueless. It’s over and you’re happy about that but the pain that you’re experiencing seems unmanageable. Right now you’re wondering if the empty feeling will last forever.  If you will ever heal and feel happiness again. You Absolutely Will It’s a process that begins immediately when you are free from your tormentor.  It begins with you. The only way you can accept new joy and happiness into your life is to make space for it. If your heart is filled full-up with pain and hurt, how can you be open to anything new? People who hold on to these past hurts often relive the pain over and over in their minds. Sometimes a person can … Read more

3 Bold Steps to Kick-Start Healing After a Toxic Relationship

When I first left my abuser, I was obsessed and I mean obsessed, with finding the reason why he did what he did.  I had rationalized that if I discovered what was wrong with him, I could move on and get started on living my life again. I spent a great deal of my life analyzing his behaviour and developing varied and compelling diagnoses.  With every diagnosis, I had lists of supporting evidence. I had all sorts of them:  Narcissist, Middle Child Syndrome, Toxic Parents, Anger Management, Alcohol Abuse, and so on But every diagnosis, only offered fleeting happiness.  I would celebrate what I thought was the perfect reason only to realize that it did not heal my hurt or my heart or my life.  I continued to feel hurt and lonely and lost. It wasn’t until I realized that not one of the “labels” that I was giving him … Read more

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