5-signs Your New Love is Abusive
You’ve met this fabulous guy and things are moving quickly but is it too quickly. Are you headed down a path to heartache? Is his love toxic? Is he showing you signs of abusive behaviour? Here are 5-signs your new love is abusive:
- I Love YOU within the first 2 or 3 times seeing him – this is a bad sign. It indicates obsession and control. If someone tells you how much they love you, can’t live without you or would die if you ever left, and you’ve known him for 5 minutes, RUN
- Continuous, Repeated, Ongoing, Rapid Fire – every 5 minutes – Texting or calling and expecting an instant answer. This also indicates the beginnings of abusive control and isolation. He will eventually remove you from your friends and family because he wants you to himself. Period.
- Answering the text or call and you are required to give an explanation for your tardiness in replying. You are headed towards disaster. Your explanations will never satisfy and eventually, you will stop doing what you want because answering to him is too difficult and painful
- Sex as a weapon of guilt and shame. Abusive partners will tell you that not having sex when they want it means you do not love them and you are hurting their feelings. After all, they love you so much why would you hurt them this way? You lose your ability to say No. You begin to feel it’s easier to give in.
- Sex is taken! This is a serious sign and some women will make excuses when their partner forces sex on them. It was a bit of a joke. I didn’t really say no. He always wanted to explore the rape fantasy. It’s been a while and he has needs. And so on. No excuses. If you say no, it’s no. If he forces himself on you it’s rape. Rape.
If your new love or an existing relationship is showing signs of being abusive, the only solution is leaving. I know that sounds harsh and sad, but the hard-core truth is that you cannot change your partner’s abusive behaviour. You can only change your action and reaction to the abuse.
Stop making excuses for the abusive behaviour and start making plans to leave. When you are busy making excuses, you are living in denial and that’s dangerous. His abuse will continue and will escalate over time. Yes, it will hurt but before you know it you won’t feel under pressure to explain yourself, you won’t feel tense when you know he’s almost home, and you won’t feel threatened or bullied. You will be free from abusive love; free to live your life any way you want to.
The signs are there and you have the power to say no, f$ck off, I’m worthy of someone who values me and treats me with respect.
Some Things for You to Read, Watch & Get Support
New videos on my YouTube Channel
Healing Means No Contact https://youtu.be/ftjPEgd4u0U
Empowered Her: 10 Characteristics https://youtu.be/BtWVHXI_br0
New Blog Post
The 3-Cs of Healing After Abuse: Click to Read
A Fun & Friendly Group
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