Can YOUR Love Fix a Narcissist?
Seems like the question of the century and so many women ask me; “Can I fix him if I show more love and attention?” The short answer to can your love fix a narcissist is NO. But let’s look at the whys and what to do to break the mindset of love will fix him.
In order for love or any type of intervention to heal someone, they first have to admit there is something wrong. You can’t change or heal an alcoholic. He has to recognize that he’s an alcoholic and seek treatment. The magic of healing is the moment someone recognizes that they have a problem.
The Narcissist does not see any issue with his behaviour so the first step is completely lost. If he can’t see the issue or the problem, he will not seek treatment and anything you do is lost. Including showering him with love.
Yes, they will show passion but it is not love. It’s short-lived and driven by the outcome that they want. It could be sex. It could be getting you to stay. It could be many reasons but their passion is not love. It is pure manipulation.
Narcissists have a distorted view of themselves and you and well, everyone. Their distortion flames their ability to manipulate and to deny that there is anything wrong with them
They will use withdrawal as a way to control and manipulate closeness and you show up as vulnerable and they pounce on that.
Their whole system of thinking and being is in direct conflict with what you are hoping to achieve with your love.
The result is a pattern of behaviour from both of you that will ultimately destroy you. Not the narcissist, just you. You will give in, fight back, placate, love make, and anything else you think will make him see the light of your love and how you can be a perfect couple.
He sees himself getting you to do what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants. He doesn’t see love or kindness or compassion. He sees his ego being fed and his distorted reality being reinforced.
3-Steps to Break Your Fixing Cycle
- Watch and acknowledge the patterns – yours and his – does he profess undying love, get sex from you and then run out with his friends for 3-days? Be Honest!
- Take notes – start an Anti-Fixing Journal and include your feelings and thoughts when he does it again.
- Take the time, energy and love you’re using to fix someone else and give it to you. All of it. LOVE YOU!
I’ve been where you are and I know how desperate you are to change him. You can’t. You can only change you and your patterns. I’ve helped dozens of women take the first bold steps to create a life they love. And I can do the same for you. Schedule your free VIP session and together we’ll create a plan to step into your courage and begin living free, fulfilled, and fearless.
Click this link – https://calendly.com/susanball/session – pick your day and time and we’re all set.