Healing After Abuse

The 3-Cs of Healing After Abuse

When I left my toxic-abusive husband, I was thrust into the “system”.  At first, I thought this is fabulous.  I’m going to get help and get well. I was going to begin healing after abuse. I couldn’t wait to get started and begin to really heal and move forward.

That’s not exactly what happened and I started to realize that the system was killing me by allowing me to wallow in self-pity and victim-hood.  I started to really notice that during group meetings we only talked about what had happened to us, not what steps to take to move forward.  We repeatedly shared our horror stories and no one spoke of their daily wins.  I would come away feeling more depressed and with little hope for the future.

When I went to court, I had to visit with Victim Services and then meet with my Victim Advocate. Again, it was continual reinforcement of my victim-ness.

But the real kicker was my counselling sessions!  The focus of the sessions were on what happened (past tense).  Why was the first word of many questions.  The next favourite question was: looking back how would react, do, see, act differently. At the end of the sessions, I was told that it would take a great deal of time to heal and to not expect miracles. So discouraging to say the least.

As I struggled with the emotions of fear, sadness and guilt and stood on the precipice of alcoholism, I had a profound moment of clarity – the “system” wasn’t working for me.  It was making me depressed and it kept me living in the past.  It was killing my spirit. It was denying me happiness and slowing my progress.  Something was missing.

I stepped away from the system and went on a solo journey of self-discovery and I stumbled upon something incredible. I discovered the importance of Celebrate + Connect + Challenge – the three Cs that Move you Forward.

Celebrate + Connect + Challenge

Celebrate – you took a huge, big, fantastic step on your journey to wellness!  You Left Your Tormentor!  Celebrate that everyday.  Celebrate every little step you take,  Smile and say – Great Job, Keep Going, You’re Doing Great!

Connect – with new, positive, happy, inspiring people and situations.  Volunteer for anything and make your volunteer time a drama free zone.  No talking about what happened.  When someone asks how you are, you simply reply with I’m very well and thanks for asking.  Every time you say the words “I’m very well”, you reinforce your wellness and how good you are feeling.

Give yourself permission to simply not talk about it.  If you are around people who constantly want you to discuss what happened in the past, disengage from them and spend your time with friends and family who encourage you and celebrate your life and you.

Challenge – there will be challenges on your journey to wellness.  It is so easy to get stopped dead in your tracks when you start to think about all the challenges in your path. In fact, when you overthink your “to do” list, you could give up on your journey and I don’t want you to do that!

Challenges are everywhere in your life. It’s not the challenge that will keep you stuck, it’s how you handle it. And the best way to handle challenges is to get out in front of them.

No one reinforced that I was on a journey to an amazing life that would surpass anything I had ever dreamed of.  No one said hey get out there, volunteer, meet new inspiring, positive people.  No one showed me how to break down my challenges into bite size chunks so I could deal with them and get the result I wanted.

I wish they had.  My journey would have been shorter and my successes bigger.  My celebrations more frequent and my gratitude journal filled to the brim.  I would have had more time living a positive, happy, thriving life!

If you’re ready to begin your healing journey let’s connect and explore how I can help you. Claim a 45-minute FREE Virtual VIP chat – https://calendly.com/susanball/session

August 20, 2018