So, you have split from your abuser and you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. It hurts – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Everything Hurts! You feel torn apart, used, and valueless.
It’s over and you’re happy about that but the pain that you’re experiencing seems unmanageable. Right now you’re wondering if the empty feeling will last forever. If you will ever heal and feel happiness again. You Absolutely Will
It’s a process that begins immediately when you are free from your tormentor. It begins with you.
The only way you can accept new joy and happiness into your life is to make space for it. If your heart is filled full-up with pain and hurt, how can you be open to anything new?
People who hold on to these past hurts often relive the pain over and over in their minds. Sometimes a person can even get “stuck” in this pain, in this hurt, in this blame. In the role of the Victim.
I don’t want you to get stuck in the role of the Victim. It’s so unhealthy and you only have one life, this one right now. Do you really want to spend a lot of precious time living in the past? Holding on to a situation or pain that happened long ago? Or would you prefer to embrace the present and look forward to your future?
Let’s Get Started:
Step One: Be RAW and Let it Out!
Grieve – Let it Out – Cry – Scream – Punch a Pillow – Weep – Be Angry – Tell a Friend – Write in Your Journal – Write a Letter to Your Tormentor that you will never send – Stomp Your Feet
Have a good tantrum. Now, take a deep breath and notice how much better you feel now that you have let it out.
Step Two: Let it Go!
Make a conscious decision to Let it Go! Hurts won’t go away on their own. You have to release them. When you don’t make the conscious choice up-front, you end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this past hurt. You don’t know how you will let it go, you simply want to be willing. That’s the best beginning.
Step Three: Break Up With Your “Victim”
Living as a “Victim” simply means you have not taken personal responsibility for your Happiness. You are blaming others for situations and outcomes and bad feelings. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person. Why would you let the person who hurt you in the past have such power, right here, right now?
Step Four: Focus on Now
Now it’s time to let go. Let go of the past, and stop reliving it. Stop telling yourself that story where the protagonist — you — is forever the victim of this other person’s horrible actions. You can’t undo the past, all you can do is to make today the best day of your life.
Step Five: Forgive Them
We may not have to forget another person’s bad behaviours, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. Sometimes we get stuck in our pain and our stubbornness, we can’t even imagine forgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t saying, “I agree with what you did.” Instead, it’s saying, “I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.”
I know from personal experience that it’s incredibly difficult to want to let go of your pain. But when you decide that you want to and will let it go, you have taken the biggest, boldest step to your Personal Freedom and Wellness. You are embracing your power and your value.