Is His Nice For Real? Unmasking the Narcissist
I hear this a lot: “I miss the good parts of him so much it hurts.”
The good parts? Did they ever truly exist? No. The good parts you thought you saw were really his mask. That’s his reel you back in with his good boy mask. That’s his false love. He will give you a little bit of care here and there to keep you in his game.
When he began to feel he was losing his power and control – his place in the game – he puts on his nice mask to woo you. And he plays the I love you, it won’t happen again, I didn’t mean to hurt you card.
You fall back in and he leaves the good boy mask on for a bit just to make sure that you won’t stumble or assert you’re going to leave.
Then it happens! The Mr Nice Guy mask falls away and the real person he is clearly and viciously appears. Your abuser is back and stronger than ever. He will be relentless because he knows that he can put his mask back on at any time and begin the love-bombing to win you back to his game.
Remember – The good parts were all fake and when he could no longer keep that up, you saw the real him. The true him. The abuser.
When you think you’re missing the good parts, ask yourself and journal the answers:
When did the good parts show up? Right after a fight. When you said you were going to leave. When you stuck up for yourself.
How long did the love phase last?
When the real him reappeared, was the abuse worse?
When he was his true abusive self, what was life like with him?
That’s the key to understanding and accepting that you didn’t see or experience good parts, you experienced manipulation at the hands of an abusive man. You will clearly see the abusive, master-manipulator and you will believe less and less that you miss his good parts.
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