Love Bombing The Power and the Sorrow
Love Bombing is a key weapon in any abuser’s arsenal. But the narcissistic abuser uses it relentlessly and with such efficiency that you remain stuck, confused, debilitated, and asking what the F$CK.
By definition love bombing is the practice of overwhelming someone with adoration and attraction. In the early stages of the relationship, it seems super-romantic as he bombards you with early I Love Yous, gifts, complements and flattery.
The early stage gets you hooked. You don’t realise it but you are in the early stages of addiction to him. And who wouldn’t want to be loved and adored? We all do. We all crave companionship and love. The problems develop when you have low self-worth because love-bombing fills us up and makes us feel wanted and desirable and worthy.
But he’s not doing it to show true love, not at all. He’s doing it to manipulate through flattery. To set themselves up as the perfect partner, to gain trust, affection, and ultimately, adoration. Their end goal is to win and control you, not to love you. They don’t even know what that means.
Abusers can sense low self-confidence or self-worth. They ask questions that target your vulnerabilities and then like a shark to blood, they use those same vulnerabilities to hurt and harm you.
The narcissist uses love bombing throughout the relationship. It’s his favourite thing to do and as time goes on and our confidence is further eroded, we become more and more susceptible to the love bombing. We actually crave it!
After an argument, an affair, a lie, a drunken outburst, a beating, a put-down, your abuser will slam and slink and then return with the flowers, flattering comments, romantic texts, surprises and naturally, we think he’s sorry and we return to life as it was.
And then the abusive behaviour comes back, we’re going to leave, then the love-bombing happens, and we fall back into place. His plan has worked; you are completely under his spell. Addicted. Craving more of that beautiful attention.
Love bombing causes our addiction and the pain of withdrawal feels unbearable.
When we leave we begin to long for our abuser. Painful longing.
I remember it clearly and my abuser had tried to kill me!
But I still found myself wishing, hoping, longing for one more….kiss, chat, hug, adventure, laugh.
I was wishing for something and someone that didn’t exist. It was the love-bombing persona that I craved. I was in withdrawal.
Know that you’re in the HEAVY withdrawal stage right now.
It’s just like a heroin addict. It’s not healthy to wish for “that little hit” of friendship or contact.
NO CONTACT starts with cold sweats, agony and longing. This will subside, but you have to fight for your health and sanity.
A great way to work through the pain is start writing down all of the reasons why you left, how he hurt you, embarrassed you, and how those things make you feel. When you feel weak in your withdrawal, go back and read the ugly truth about the relationship.
Here is a video about Love Bombing – https://youtu.be/H3FYRAXSZ1Y
It’s amazing watching an abused woman take positive steps to rebuilding, liberating her greatness, and stepping into her power. Through determination, raw courage, and pure will, leaving your abuser can lead to the greatest time of your life.
If this resonates with you let’s connect and explore how I can help you. Claim a 45-minute FREE Virtual VIP chat – https://calendly.com/susanball/session