Why Are So Many Men Emotionally Unavailable?
Why are men emotionally unavailable? Because you are! And once you realize your role in attracting abusive men, you’ve taken a powerful, courageous step on your healing journey.
This is a pic of me and my love on our wedding day 4 years ago. I finally have the partner I never thought even existed because my relationship experience was multiple toxic, ugly, and abusive relationships. The last one almost killed me. Literally.
After leaving my last abuser, I was the picture of too much – drinking, bad boys and anything I believed would numb the pain because healing and having a healthy relationship seemed a pipe dream. Why bother? All men were emotionally unavailable jerks who wanted one thing. Right?
My dating life proved my point – so many toads!
Until one day, I stopped! Stopped dating, stopped swiping left, just stopped completely. I just took a huge step to the side and started to put all my attention on me.
Because, in that moment I realized that I was the one attracting these men into my life. ALL of them including and especially my many exes. I was the one who was emotionally unavailable so of course, that’s what life was handing me back.
What we give out is what we get back. Think of yourself like a boomerang. Every thought, feeling and emotion you give out is returning back to you.
I was attracting toads because I was a Toad. Deep down inside I didn’t believe I deserved a man of value and integrity. I didn’t believe that I was worthy of love (real love). And my feelings of being unworthy were not a result of all my abusive relationships. My feelings of unworthiness reflected a deep-seeded hurt from oh, so long ago. And that deep hurt buried long ago needed to be healed – really healed – before I could give myself the love I wanted in my life.
You can call it the child-wound, or that time I was horribly embarrassed at school, or the prom when no one asked you to go with them. Or in my case, it was abandonment issues. The wound needs to be revealed and healed otherwise you will keep attracting emotionally unavailable men and shitty, abusive relationships.
I looked to men to fill the holes in my life. I wanted someone to bring me happiness. To make me smile. To make me feel alive. To do things with. And all that jazz. But the truth, the really hard, cold truth is that
You Have To Bring All Those Things to Yourself First.
You have to be emotionally available to yourself first and foremost.
Why do you keep attracting emotionally unavailable men?
Because you are emotionally unavailable.
Even after Divorce. Even after the hardest, most difficult break up AND even after a violent abusive relationship, it is possible to find a real, healthy, loving relationship but that begins with you loving you and honouring your boundaries and values.
The truth is if you’ve been through a “toxic” relationship there needs to be a healing process afterward. You need to take the time to learn about yourself, what makes you tick, what are your values and how do you set good boundaries. And most importantly, time to love yourself deeply.
Jumping from date to date, relationship to relationship, man to man, will not bring you happiness at any level. In fact, it will be depressing and you will be left feeling desperately empty.
I’ve lived, breathed and endured YEARS of toxic relationships and walked down the path of healing afterward and the results are amazing!
If you want that for yourself then schedule your VIP session and get guidance into your healing journey!
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Some Things for You to Read, Watch & Get Support
New videos on my YouTube Channel
Healing Means No Contact https://youtu.be/ftjPEgd4u0U
Empowered Her: 10 Characteristics https://youtu.be/BtWVHXI_br0
New Blog Post
The 3-Cs of Healing After Abuse: Click to Read
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